TEN
by Adai E.B
Summary: Abandoned at ten, then again at twenty, Sousuke Yamazaki just turned thirty and decided he's done pining over dead love. "Ten years is too long too long to have a broken heart." However, when his old flame Rin Matsuoka comes home after retiring from professional swimming, Sousuke struggles to hold his resolve. Genre: Yaoi, BL
1. Chapter 1- TEN

Ten years is too long to have a broken heart.

Sousuke laid on the edge, watching the waves crash against the pier. The sun took its time setting, but the gulls enjoyed the extra day calling above him. The beer he'd drank snuggled next to him like a warm blanket.

_'Maybe we should just…break up…'_

He sprawled out in the haze, feeling the last of the rays heat his sweating brow.

_'Isn't it too much…Sousuke…'_

It was too much. He'd conceptualized the reality several times. How long was he going to let the pain fester? When was he going to forget about him. Rin had forgotten about him.

Twice.

Sousuke breathed in the sea, and closed his eyes.

"Ahh…." Sousuke lifted feeling his phone vibrate.

"Sousuke-!"

He sighed.

"Where are you? The party is going to be starting any minute!"

These two.

"Are you coming now? Nitori is waiting for you!"

"I am not you idiot-"

"Yes! Yes he is!"

Annoying.

Sousuke ran his fingers through his hair and yawned.

"Sousuke!" Sousuke held the receiver away from his ear and grumbled at Momo's animation.

"Oi Momo-! You're being too loud on the phone."

"Enh-" Nitori whimpered. "It's me...Sousuke-senpai…"

"Oh…" Sousuke flushed. "Why did you let that idiot call me?"

"I tried to stop him, but you know how he gets when there's a party…"

"Is he pissing on the furniture?"

"Heh-" Nitori chuckled. "No. Just really excited to see Seijuuro and…" His tone slighted. "And the others…" He trailed quietly.

"Yea…" Sousuke swallowed. _The others…_"Well I'll be late."

"Are you alright?" Nitori asked in his mousey tenor.

"I'm fine." Sousuke stiffened at the inquiry.

"Do you need me to pick you up?"

"What? No." Sousuke stood up. "I can drive."

"Haven't you been drinking?"

Sousuke cut his eye to the beers left, and turned his back on them.

"No," he lied.

"Don't get pulled over officer."

"Ha-ha," he answered caustically. "I just need to change out of my uniform."

"Drinking publicly in your uniform? Tut-tut Mr. Officer."

"Shut up. I told you. I'm not." Sousuke collected the empty cans in the paper bag as quietly as possible.

"Sure." Nitori chuckled and sighed. "Well, don't be too late? All the food will be gone if Nagisa gets here before you."

"Got it."

"Okay then…" Nitori paused again. "Sousuke…are you sure…." He waited for Sousuke to speak.

"I'm fine…" Sousuke clenched the paper bag and his jaw.

* * *

><p>At thirty, Sousuke could accept how pathetic he truly was. He had no girlfriend, no wife, and no children. His mother had made it her duty to find him a spouse, but every relationship he entered ended the same. Two or three months of blissful pretend until he'd finally had enough and ended it abruptly. That was in his twenties though, he was done with that now. His personality did not suit companionship. That was something that he, really, knew all work was never his strong suit.<p>

Except that one time…

But that one time was the truth he was just a loner.

As a police officer he could spend a lot of his time alone. He did not have a partner, because in Iwatobi there was hardly any crime. The most he got called out for was a lost child, who he recovered shortly afterwards, or younger boys causing disturbance in the sleepy town. Even then it was simple, because the area was so small Sousuke knew all the troublemakers by name and address. He spent 75% of his time alone, 15% at his part-time job coaching, and the rest with Nitori and Mo-Mo. They were both idiots, but Sousuke did need someone to talk to occasionally.

When he'd finally dressed he felt too tight in the neck so he loosened his tie. Why was he wearing a tie anyway? He didn't know. That's what thirty year old's did, and his August birthday bought him was a sense of compulsory maturity. There was no more room in his life for pretending things would end happily, though admittedly he'd accepted that long before thirty. At fifteen he'd injured his shoulder and it destroyed his hopes of professional swimming. His dreams shimmered away like a rippling lake, and he was left fumbling to regain a sense of himself.

That guy had helped him figure it out back then.

But now he was alone, and Sousuke found that he was content this way. As long as he did not have to pretend to be happy, as long as he could watch through glass as the man swam to Bronze, and Silver, and Gold, he was okay. It was impulse that complicated things. It was those spare moments of hope and recklessness that left him in darkness. As long as he did not let himself drown, he was okay.

So why was he going to see him?

Sure. He could convince himself that it was not to see Rin Matsouka, but that would be a lie, and lying to himself was for twenty something Sousuke. Thirty year old him did not pretend anymore. He could just call Nitori and tell him he felt too tired after work. He actually had fallen asleep at the pier so that wasn't exactly a lie. Sousuke paced around his living room. There was not much furniture because he never entertained. His home was nice because he made a good salary and he had nothing to spend it on. It was a rental, but renting made sense. There was no point in a lifelong bachelor buying a house. Who was he going to leave it to?

The party, or rather reunion, was held at Nitori's house. He and Momo still lived together even though they'd already graduated college and were full-time workers. Momo said It was because he did not like living alone, and Nitori insisted Momo needed someone to watch him. Sousuke did not investigate. It was none of his business.

Seijuuro, and Rin's sister Gou, lived in a precinct about 45 minutes away. They had two children now, a 3-year-old named Masa, and a newborn named Aki. Sousuke usually timed his appearances at Nitori's with their visits. It was nice to see children, and sometimes Gou would talk about Rin in Australia. That was how incompetent he was- waiting for tid bits about Rin's life.

_'It's ok right? We're still friends...'_

"Sousuke!" Momo ran up to him excitedly. "You made it!"

"Yea…" Sousuke scowled at the man. Momo was his height, but much less solidly built. "I told you I was coming an hour ago."

"Yea, but Nitori was saying you'd probably make an excuse to cancel."

"Mo-mo!" Nitori shouted across the room. Sousuke chuckled at Nitori's red cheeks contrasting his long silver hair. He'd let it grow out so much it touched the middle of his back.

"Ah well…" Sousuke walked over to the table with the booze. "I am here. Let us rejoice."

"Yo, Sousuke." Seijuuro came behind him and patted his back. The man was a few inches taller and wider than him, with his flaming hair sticking up unruly, and a grin spread through his warm face.

"Hey," Sousuke poured him and Seijuuro a shot. Drinking with others was a nice change. "Where's Masa-kun, and Aki-chan."

"Home," Seijuuro answered. "We planned on staying a few days here. Kind of like a vacation since Gou had Aki."

"A vacation in Iwatobi?" Sousuke raised his brow.

"It's close." Seijuuro laughed and it filled the entire space. "And it's nice to visit Momo and Nitori without the children."

"Ah…" Sousuke nodded slowly. Children really did have their limitations.

"Ai-chan!" Sousuke gulped his vodka and watched as Nagisa grabbed Nitori's shoulder. "I'm starving when do we eat."

"W-we're still waiting for a few more." Sousuke could not help but stare. Nitori was easily flustered and did not respond well when people put him on the spot.

"Oh but I'm starving…" Nagisa pouted.

"Nagisa…" Rei came behind him and sat his hand atop the man's blonde head. Rei was longer, but Nagisa was broader. Since high school he'd gained more muscle than height, which did not fit his bouncy personality. He'd let his hair grow to his wide shoulders, with a silver earring dangling in his ear. "Don't make trouble for Nitori. It's not his fault you did not eat properly today."

"Ne," Nagisa turned to Rei and reached for his wrist. "Aren't you hungry too Rei? Since we skipped lunch today?"

Rei's face burned completely red and he retracted his long arm away. Rei had his blue hair cut low. He wore black with one single stud on the frame. He wore an earring in the opposite ear of Nagisa's.

"Well who told you not to eat lunch?" Nitori raised his brow.

"Who? Ahh, that would be Rei-chan." Nagisa grinned and nodded once.

"M-me?" Rei closed his eyes and adjusted his frames. "I don't think that's quite how it went."

"I couldn't stop to eat anything, because Rei-chan was so hor-"

"Na-Nagisa!" Rei covered his mouth.

Momo and Seijuuro looked at each other and howled into laughter.

Sousuke blinked twice and cut his eye to Rei's tomato red face.

"Don't say stuff like that in public." Rei whispered harshly. "It's embarrassing."

"It's okay Rei." Momo and Seijuro were still laughing, but Sousuke noticed Nitori give Rei an encouraging smile. "We're all adults here."

"Who are you calling an adult?" Momo piped obnoxiously. "I want to be young forever, like Peter Pan."

"More like Tinker bell." Seijuuro pulled his younger brother into a tight noogie, disheveling his orange hair. "Idiot." Aside from a minor height difference they looked identical.

"Nii-san-" Momo whined. Nitori shook his head sighing.

Ding.

Sousuke decided he'd had enough of all the commotion in the living room. More people were starting to arrive, and he did not want to be caught in the crowd.

"Haru-chan! Mako-chan!"

He heard Nagisa's loud voice echo through the kitchen where he sat alone. The breakfast nook by the bay window he'd helped Nitori install felt perfect at the moment. He could rest his chin on palm of his hand and look out on the garden Momo insisted on for his pet beetles. They'd created the perfect newlywed nest, though neither one would admit to their obvious relationship. In that respect, his once underclassmen, had not grown up.

Sousuke could smell the air wafting with curry and rice. His stomach growled as he listened to Makoto laughing with Rei and Nagisa.

"Oh my God! Is this your daughter?" Sousuke heard Gou squealing.

That was right. Haru and Makoto had adopted a little girl a year ago.

"See Seijuro… we should have bought Masa and Aki after all. Chiyo could have someone to play with." He heard Gou argue.

"It's ok," Makoto quickly rebutted her worry. "Chiyo is an only child, so she's used to being by herself."

"Yes." Haru's tenor rang in Sousuke's ear. "Please don't trouble yourselves."

Kids.

Sousuke lifted the salt and pepper and knocked them together.

"Where's Rin?" Makoto asked as the toddler babbled happily.

Sousuke's ears twitched at the man's name even.

"I don't know," Gou answered peeved. "The last time I heard from him he was boarding the plane"

"He hasn't landed yet?" Makoto inquired.

"Not sure," Gou replied. "I didn't think to track his flight." Her tone grew worried. "Should I look it up online?"

"He's fine," Seijuuro cut in bored. "He probably stopped to see an old friend or something." Seijuuro chuckled. "You know how Rin is when he comes home."

Sousuke tensed.

"That's probably true," Makoto admitted laughing awkwardly. "Haru, did you speak with him earlier"

Sousuke assumed Haru shook his head because Makoto then said. "Well, I think if we're only waiting for Rin we should go ahead and eat."

"Yes," Nitori agreed. Even though he was the host he needed someone else to help steer. "You guys can go into the dining room. I'll go get the food."

"I'm helping!" Momo called and jumped almost knocking over a lamp on the end table. Seijuro grabbed it before it crashed to the floor.

"Just go sit Momotoru." Nitori chastised his roommate by using his full name.

Sousuke admired the man's patience.

When he heard Nitori coming in the kitchen Sousuke stood from the table. Nitori sighed as if exhausted, and Sousuke gave a light chuckle.

"Need help?"

The man smiled and nodded once. He grabbed a holder for his hair pulling it into a tight bun and using two pens on the table to structure it. Nitori was a chef at the only high-end restaurant in Iwatobi. He had skilled hands, and he was extremely detailed in his craft, laying out the plate neatly so that each guest had the right dribble of curry to flavor the rice. The food was another reason Sousuke came around when he did.

"Can you grab the rice for me?"

Sousuke nodded and moved over to the stove to transfer it from the rice cooker. He had to cook for himself at home so he wasn't hopeless, but the curry Nitori was now heating made his mouth water.

Home cooking.

Sousuke covered the pot of rice and followed the man to the dining room.

* * *

><p>Dinner was delicious. Sousuke helped himself to seconds, and thirds, because Nitori kept piling more food on his plate.<p>

"He's got enough Nitori…" Momo snapped when Nitori offered him a fourth helping. Sousuke assumed Momo was still feeling pricked about his earlier time out.

"Haru," Sousuke turned to face Makoto smiling gently at his husband. "Do you want more?" Makoto was currently neglecting his own plate, coaxing the little girl next to him to eat.

Haru turned to his curry and picked up the spoon to finish the last morsel.

"Nn…" Haru stared down at his empty plate and then looked up at Nitori. "This is really good…Nitori…"

Sousuke gaped at Haru blankly, wondering how Makoto could stand the man's dullness. It wasn't that he hated Haru. The man was just blah. Like a puddle in the middle of the ground. Sousuke stepped around him and never thought twice of it.

"Yes," Rei echoed the praise. "What did you use in the sauce? It was really delicious. Hit the palate just right."

"Thank-" Nitori whimpered, face heated when he realized everyone was staring at him. Sousuke patted the man's shoulder to ease his anxiety.

"It was really good." He exhaled contentedly. "Thanks for the meal."

After Sousuke had thanked the rest joined in, commenting on the presentation and on how much they loved the handmade ginger tea. Nitori mumbled his thanks and hid his face behind his glass.

* * *

><p>After dinner Mo-mo insisted on playing charades. There were too many people, but Nitori did not bother to assign teams: Gou and Seijuuro, Momo and Nitori, Makoto and Haru, Nagisa and Rei. They all gathered in the living room, laying Chiyo down in the room Gou and Seijuuro were going to be staying in. Sousuke sat on the armchair furthest away from the group, scowling.<p>

Nagisa was first up, using his hands to motion rocking a baby.

"Uh-uhm-" Rei flustered, trying to figure out what Nagisa was acting out. Nagisa shook his right hand, intimating dabbing the tip of the invisible object on his hand.

"Shake and bake!" Rei yelled out.

Nagisa widened his eyes incredulously and rocked the baby more vehemently. Then he repeated the movement with the bottle on his hand.

Sosuke saw him struggling, and he covered his hand with his mouth to laugh. It was so obvious.

"Shaken!" Rei yelled. Once Nagisa rocked the baby again Rei looked confused.

"Fifteen seconds," Nitori told them.

Nagisa ran the movements one last time, adding a mime of crying, when Rei suddenly shouted.

"Shaken baby syndrome!"

"Pffffttttt..." The crowd exploded into laughter.

"Time." Nitori said with his cheeks red from laughing.

"Rock. A. Bye. Baby." Nagisa deadpanned.

Rei stared confusedly.

"Rock a bye baby!" He exclaimed when Rei didn't get the reference. "How did you not get that Reiiiiii-!' Nagisa whined.

"It's an American reference," Nitori tried to justify, though his eyes were watering from laughing.

Sousuke chuckled.

After that Gou got J pop, and then Makoto got ice cream man. Sousuke actually snorted when Makoto licked an invisible cone to give Haru a hint.

"Makoto…." Haru's cheeks reddened, but he stared seriously. "Do you mean sucking di-"

"Time!" Seijuro yelled loudly.

"And thank God for that," Momo echoed Seijuro's relief, though consumed with hilarity.

After they'd all had their rotations almost an hour and a half passed. Sousuke was not tired, but as the night wore on he grew more relaxed. Haru and Makoto were in the lead, but Seijuuro's eyes were burning to win, and Momo could not keep his seat for more than ten seconds. It was amusing.

Ring.

Gou's phone was buzzing on the end table next to her.

"Rin, thank goodness."

Sousuke lifted his head. The truth, if he accepted it, was that he'd come to this gathering with the intention of seeing Rin.

"Where are you?

Sousuke drank from his glass to even his breaths. He was not sure what his intentions were beyond that, but he just wanted to see his face.

"Oh. I see," Gou nodded once. "Are you still going to make it tonight?"

Sousuke swallowed, the liquor burning his chest.

"Okay well, Seijuuro and I will be here till Sunday."

So he wasn't coming.

Gou snapped her phone, and the group looked to her for answers.

He's not coming.

"Nii-san says he got caught up in something so he's running very late."

I knew it.

"Got into something," Momo scoffed and chuckled. "More like some ONE." He nudged Seijuuro's shoulder and chortled.

Nitori threw him a glare so severe Momo's giggles ceased immediately. The silence muted the once laughter.

"Well…" Makoto was the first to stand in the tension. "I think then we'll take our leave."

"Ohhh…already?" Nagisa whined, but stood too with Rei right behind him.

"Yea…" Haru agreed. "We have to get Chiyo in bed."

"Where are you guys staying?"

Haru and Makoto still lived in Tokyo. Makoto worked as a physical trainer, and Haru worked in marine biology.

"We're at my moms. She's not going to let us stay at a hotel."

"You should come stay with us!" Nagisa blurted loudly.

"Nagisa!" Rei said a bit strained.

"It's fine," Haru countered. "I don't mind it at Makoto's parents' house."

Sousuke was not listening anymore. After the phone call his mood dropped like a free-falling body.

I knew it.

He stood and heard the trail of Makoto and Haru saying their goodbyes.

* * *

><p>Knock-knock.<p>

Sousuke lifted his head to the tap on the inside of the door that led to the garden. Nitori was there, holding a plate of cookies. Sousuke turned his head away.

He heard the door creak anyway, and Nitori came out into the heat stricken night air.

"Everyone left before dessert." Nitori placed the plate on the cobblestone before the patch of tulips.

Sosuke did not answer him.

"Sousuke senpai…"

"Don't call me that Nitori…" He wasn't Nitori's senpai anymore. It only made him remember days that were dead, and hopefully one day forgotten.

Nitori lowered his head, and Sousuke cut his eye to the smaller man. Now on top of his hopelessness he'd gotten a healthy dose of guilt.

Great.

"I shouldn't have come tonight," Sousuke whispered against the locust.

Nitori did not answer him immediately, but he did extend his hand to cover Sousuke's in warmth.

"He's coming back…" Nitori whispered. "It's not like it was before…"

Sousuke's scoffed.

No. It was not like it was before. He was an adult. He was not going to let…

"It's not like I was expecting anything to happen-" He squeezed Nitori's hand. "I don't know why I'm-" Sousuke swallowed. He was an adult. He was not going to let Rin break his heart again.

Nitori tilted his head in to face him. "It's okay to want him..." "Sousuke…" Sousuke felt the gentle hand coax away his frustration.

He lifted his head and blinked with his eyes watering. Nitori's eyes were not judgmental. Just blue meeting blue. Honest."I guess I just wanted to see him…" His surprise to pain was unnecessary when he knew that was all Rin could offer him. "Stupid."

Nitori turned slightly and inhaled gently. "Yea…" He turned away from Sousuke. "Yea me too…"

Sousuke did not say anything else afterwards, and neither did Nitori.

* * *

><p>"Call me when you get in." Nitori grabbed his shoulder.<p>

"Yea," Sousuke gruffed out. Why did it always have to be Nitori to see him broken down? "As soon as I get in."

Nitori nodded, and Sousuke hugged him tightly. He did not even exit through the house. It was easier to avoid stares, and go out of the gate leading to the front of the house.

"Night." Sousuke patted his head as he released the smaller man.

"Good night, Sousuke-senpai."

Sousuke walked down the street hearing his shoes tap against the pavement. It wasn't a total loss. He'd gotten cookies from Nitori, at least.

"That's crazy isn't it!"

Sousuke froze.

"I can't believe they let us do karaoke in the middle of the bar like that."

The ache sawed through him when he heard the raucous laughter against his ears.

"I know it's gonna be a long time before we can show our faces there."

Sousuke clenched his jaw and swallowed.

"Alright, are you good?"

"Yea, I'm gonna stay here tonight, I'll be staying with Seijuuro and Gou until I lease my place."

"Yah-yah." The pink haired man called back. "Call me when you get set up."

"Okay." Rin nodded. "Bye." He said in almost perfect English.

Sousuke watched him wobble down the street drunkenly.

Rin…

_"Isn't it too much...Sousuke?'_

_'Yea.' _

No it wasn't.

_'Yea I guess it is...'_

_'But don't worry. We'll still be friends for sure.'_

No we won't.

His heart was hurting. He did not know what to do. Call out to him?

Sousuke clenched his hands.

"Rin…" He breathed quietly, but he knew the man could not hear his whisper. He tried to call out again, but only a slight whimper came. Fuck. He lowered his head. This was stupid really. He should go home- forget that time. It was so long ago. Really. Ten years was too long. He should act like an adult and stop clutching to dreams.

Sousuke inhaled deep, and let out bellowing yell.

"RIN!"

Rin stopped in his tracks, and turned fully towards Sousuke.

Sousuke hardened his brow and swallowed with his chest heaving.

Stupid.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi guys! I'm back with a new fanfic! It's Sourin this time, and I'm SUPER excited about this fanfic. It's gonna at least 10 chapters. Hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading and reviewing! **


	2. Chapter 2- TEN

Sousuke exhaled to steady his breath. Rin was staring at him like he'd seen a ghost. He stepped slowly towards him somewhat expecting Rin to move too. However, the man held to the spot. When Sousuke reached Rin his face flushed from his obvious intoxication.

"Sousuke..." He whispered. Rin raised his brow as though he couldn't believe it was him.

"Yo..Shark Boy." Sousuke could not drink the man in fast enough. He was only a few inches shorter, but much leaner in comparison. Swimming had made his naked arms in the black tank muscular, and his red hair cut close to his head. The jeans he wore were low on his hips.

"Ha-! Sousuke!" Rin hop-jumped towards Sousuke hugging him tight, the chain on his jeans clanking.

Sousuke inhaled and closed his eyes to the warmth melting through him. He held Rin tighter to steady his shaking hands.

Shit.

Rin smelled like cherry blossoms and vodka.

"What are you doing here!" Rin heaved their arms apart showing his toothy smile.

"I just stopped by on the way home," Sousuke lied. "Nitori told me it was your coming home party, but I'm pretty sure that requires you to actually _come_ home." He tried to keep his voice passive.

"Yea..." Rin rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, still beaming up to his ears. "Kisumi called me right off the plane. I tried to tell him that I had plans, but you know how that guy is when you try to tell him no."

"Heh-" Sousuke's body felt like stone. "Yea he's a bit overly ambitious."

"He is right?" Rin was so excited Sousuke could not bring his tone to a scold. "I kept telling him that Gou was gonna kill me for being late! We went to a bar, and then he told everyone who I was." Rin chortled through his narrative. "So then everyone was all "Shark Boy! Shark Boy! Lemme get an autograph." Then we had free drinks for the rest of the nigh..."

Sousuke was not listening. He did not want to hear about Kisumi and Rin's excursion.

'Called him off the plane.'

So, he guessed, Rin and Kisumi kept in contact. Sousuke clenched his jaw and felt the fire rising his chest. It was a problem he'd always had from the beginning.

Possessiveness.

Anger.

Resentment.

Jealousy.

Anyone who had Rin's blazing gaze was an enemy. He did not think about Rin with others because it would only infuriate him. Even if he knew them. Even if it was Kisumi.

"Sousuke?"

Sousuke cut his eye up to the man now tilting his head towards him.

"Are you alright?"

No.

"Yes."Sousuke's mouth ached into a smile. "Sorry, I'm a bit tired. I just came from work."

"Oh yea!" Rin held Sousuke's bad shoulder and hardened his brow. "Officer Yamazaki-san. Reporting for duty." Rin said in a mock stern voice.

"Heh-yea I should drag your ass in for public intoxication."

"Ha-ha." Rin smirked folding his arms. Rin covered his angular hips with a shirt, but if Sousuke looked hard enough, he could see the very bottom of the man's pierced naval."You wouldn't."

"I might."

"Hmph-" Fire burned in the man's red eyes. "Wanna bet?" Sousuke tried not to notice the look Rin was giving him. The one that said, "you would never".

"What are the stakes?"

Were they flirting?

"You tell me..." Rin bit his bottom lip baring his jagged canines.

Sousuke could not tell.

"Your call Shark Boy."

That was the problem. The line of "playing around" and full force fucking was so blurred he could not see through it. Sex was never planned, even when they were together as teenagers.

Except that one time.

But that one time was the exception.

"Heh-" Rin smirked and shook his head slowly. "I see you haven't changed."

"Why would I?" Sousuke chuckled from deep in his chest. "Don't toy with perfection."

"Perfection? Did you take a bullet to the brain?"

"Ahahahahaha-"

Yea...

Sousuke grinned.

It was better this way...

"Are you going home now? Can you hang out a bit?" Rin raised his brow slightly.

Was that an invitation?

Sousuke stared at the man and felt the throb in his chest. He shook his head.

"Sorry but I've got an early morning." He held up the cookies. "And I've got a whole box of cookies to eat by tonight."

"Oh." The man's smile faltered. "Yea I guess it's late." Rin picked up his flowery grin as if it'd never wilted.

Was he disappointed?

Shit.

"But I mean... now that you're back-" Stop. "We could maybe get lunch or just catch a football match or something."

"Yea?" Sousuke could hear the anticipation in Rin's low tenor.

"Yea sure."

"I'd love that," Rin nodded once.

Sousuke tensed. Then there was silence again. He could hear the locust still calling. The neighbors lights extinguished one by one.

"Well... I guess I'll go in..."

Rin stepped towards him.

Sousuke stepped back.

"Good luck with Gou- ne?" Sousuke nodded and reached his hand out to pat Rin's head once.

Rin ducked from under Sousuke's massive hand. "Yea..." The man stepped forward so that they were face to face.

Sousuke's eyes widened as Rin moved closer. He held his breath.

"Good luck with your cookies..." Rin smirked when their mouths were centimeters apart. "Ne Sousuke?"

Sousuke swallowed feeling his heart thudding inside of his broad chest. Rin slid back on his right foot and turned away from him.

"Call me soon," Rin called from the end of the block.

Sousuke stood and watched intently as the man disappeared.

* * *

><p>"Hah-" Sousuke laced his fingers through the water. He was moving so fast the current rippled against his cut arms and legs.<p>

Rin was back.

Sousuke knew that it would not be easy for him to maintain his resolution. Physically he was still very much into Rin. Just staring at Rin, he could feel the man's skin on his fingertips, and feel the heated breath from Rin's tongue when they'd kissed years ago. Seeing him drunk and open, it made Sousuke remember the nights they shared before they made their relationship official. And thinking about their relationship, gave him just the sense he needed to turn Rin down.

"Hah- hah-" Sousuke slammed through the water's friction.

Because there was only pain with Rin.

He swam faster, kicking his legs and lifting up gasp the puffs of air in his lungs to keep moving.

He knew that because twenty years had carved a reminder into his heart. That way when his brain stopped working his heart would throb to heed off the danger of the red headed man.

"Hah-hah-" He was almost there. He swam faster, extending his arms out- reach.

And if it came to ignoring Rin, he would. If it came to cutting off Nitori and the others, well, he'd do that too. There was no way...

Sousuke hit the end of the pool with a slap and gasped for air.

"Hah-hah-hah-" He swallowed panting. There was no way he was going to fall into the same trap again. Not that Rin knew what he was he was doing to him.

Sousuke opened his front door and dropped his bag with the wet suit.

Rin had no idea what hell he'd been through these past years.

He wrenched open the fridge and grabbed a beer twisting off the cap.

And Rin wouldn't know.

He drank thirsty, finishing the bottle.

Because he wasn't going to tell him.

He laid down in his bed and closed his eyes.

Sousuke was thirty.

He squeezed his pillow tightly and let his exhaustion take him.

He wasn't going to...

Sousuke thought of cherry blossoms before drifting to sleep.

...Drown again.

* * *

><p>"Have you ever kissed a girl? Sousuke?"<p>

Sousuke turned towards the boy laying in the futon next to him and stared curiously. He loved when Rin slept over. It was nice to have someone to play with, and then when it was time for bed they could stay up late like this and talk about stuff.

Like swimming.

Like wrestling.

Like football.

"I kiss my mom...and my grandmother sometimes."

"Heh-" Rin turned his head slowly towards him with his back laying straight. "I mean like a real kiss...like in the movies."

"Oh..." Sousuke felt his face heating. He shook his head.

"Me either..." Rin trailed. Sousuke watched his breath hasten slightly.

"I don't really see the point..." Sousuke mumbled. "Kissing girls seems icky to me."

"Kisumi and me did it."

"Really?" Sousuke's eyes widened.

"Yea. At school once." Rin grinned. "It's cool right?

Sousuke nodded slowly. At the thought of Rin kissing Kisumi he felt a strange fire igniting in his chest.

"Kissing...it's nice..." Rin trailed.

"Nn..." Sousuke held his pillow closer to his tensing body. "But if you kiss someone...does that mean you have to marry them?"

"Ha-! Sousuke!" Rin leaned up on his elbow. "It's not like that." He shook his head. "You kiss someone to show them you like them. It only counts if it's someone you like." He stared down at Sousuke holding his pillow. "But it's different from kissing your family." Rin moved closer, the boy's chest now laying on Sousuke's warm bedding. "Do you want to try it?"

Sousuke blinked looking terrified.

"It would just be to show you...since you've never done it before," Rin whispered.

Sousuke's heart was racing. He was afraid to know what kissing Rin would feel like. Sleeping with Rin so close sometimes made him feel weird.

"O-okay." Sousuke nodded sitting up. He grabbed his pillow and dug his fingers into the stuffing.

"Okay..." Rin stared at Sousuke and his smile faltered. "Are you ready?"

"Yes..." Sousuke squeezed his pillow as tight as his chest felt. Rin leaned into him and he closed his eyes.

Peck.

Their lips touched and broke apart just as quickly.

Sousuke blinked his eyes open and Rin smiled wide.

"That wasn't bad right?"

Sousuke shook his head, and felt slightly disappointed as his face finally cooled. Was that it? The look must have shown on his face because Rin's smile faltered too.

"What's wrong?" He asked worried.

Sousuke shook his head.

"Don't lie..." Rin lowered his head. "It was weird to you wasn't it. You didn't like it-"

"No-!" Sousuke shook his head again. "I just thought..." He clenched his jaw and held his pillow.

"Sousuke..." Rin called his name quietly. He felt his heart racing.

"I thought...maybe it'd be longer..." His face was burning against the white of his pillow. "Or something like that." He mumbled. Before he could think Rin lifted his face from the pillow and their lips met again. Sousuke felt tingling burst through his entire body. He closed his eyes and slowly lifted his arms to Rin's thin shoulders.

"Mm..." Rin made a sound like a whimper, and it made Sousuke's toes curl. Rin's lips titillated him in the gentle steady kiss. When their lips parted Sousuke's throat was aching. He swallowed hard and squeezed his legs together.

"How was that?" Rin tilted his head smirking.

Sousuke nodded once, and turned away from the boy. His chest felt as squeezed as his thighs.

"Is that..." Sousuke mumbled. "Is that how it was with Kisumi?" Sousuke mushed his face into the bedding to stop from melting.

"No..." Rin replied softly. "Kisumi and I were just playing around." Rin told him. "I told you..it doesn't count if it's not someone you like."

Sousuke did not think his heart could race any faster, but to him- and maybe that was because he'd buried his head in the futon- to him it sounded like Rin said their kiss was different from he and Kisumi's. Their kiss counted because...

"Good night...Sousuke."

Because Rin liked him..

"Good night...Rin."

Sousuke closed his eyes, and grinned.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sousuke and Rin are ten in this flash back. It's before Rin leaves to go to Iwatobi. **

**Sousuke is determined not to let himself be swept away, but Rin is just so dang hot. Good luck Sousuke. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing! **


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